M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Tuesday, September 09, 2003  

Hostess with the Mostest

So, years ago, when I’d gone back to college to get my English degree, Trash and I used to hang out with all these people from the theater department. Stop cringing. We shared a lot of common interests with them, and they were fun to hang around with, and since they were in the theater department, many of them tended to be very good-looking. Don’t judge us. We’re still friends with a lot of them. You’ve read about some of them in this blog.

There was one night—I say “one night” as if I don’t know perfectly well that it was December 31, 1997, but “one night” is the standard construction—when we found ourselves at a New Year’s Eve party hosted by a couple of these people. It was always a couple of hosts, whether the hosts were a couple or not, because it was college and everyone had roommates. In this particular case, our hosts were an actual couple. At the time I hardly knew them, to the point where I was surprised to find out they were a couple. It was rather a large party, as you might imagine. They lived in one of those apartments that occupy the upper level of an early-1920’s house. That didn’t stop a hundred or so people from cramming in. It didn’t even stop some of those people from swing dancing in the living room.

So, anyway, midnight, kiss-kiss, the whole thing, and Trash and I start taking our leave. I look around for the hostess to thank her for a great party, and also possibly to introduce myself if necessary.

A few minutes later, Trash and I are clambering into our car.

“What’s that noise?” Trash asks me. “Are you clanking?

Indeed I am.

“Eve gave me some beers,” I explain.

See, I had not only thanked Eve, our hostess, for the party, but also for having Leinenkugel on hand. I didn’t have a lot of history with this young woman, aside from having spent a couple of hours in her house and drinking a bunch of her beer, so my options for a witty remark were even more limited than usual. The very picture of hospitality, she turned, reached into her fridge, and came out with a double fistful of longnecks which she proceeded to cram, one by one, into the various pockets of my overcoat. Then she gave me some more.

“I don’t need them,” she insisted over my protests. I can’t even chalk up her generosity to inebriation, because speaking for myself, the one thing I want when I’ve had a lot of beer is more beer. Which, in this case, was working out quite splendidly for me. Maybe she was trying to starve the party and thin the herd of people in her home. Given the crowd density at that moment, that may have been the only way she saw to ever get out of her kitchen. Which, again, was working out splendidly for me.

A lot of our theater friends from those days have gotten out of the business. Eve stayed in for a while, and we kind of lost touch. She and her gentleman friend broke up. I don’t know what all she did in the industry, but there was a long period when her face was staring seriously at us from a United Way ad on the side of a bus shelter. Apparently she has since moved into stunt work. At least that’s what it says on her bio for Temptation Island.

Yes, Eve, the stuntwoman from Minneapolis, is the same woman who once sent me home from her house with a bunch of beers for no apparent reason. Now she can add the job title “Tempter” to her resume. That’s not entirely uncool.

People have been quoting Warhol in relation to reality television ever since The Real World premiered. I just want to go on record as saying that in the future, everybody will know someone who has been on a reality show.

You know, feel free to make fun of people on reality shows all you want. Heck, I’ve done it myself. Be nice to Eve, though. For my sake. I still owe her a lot of beers.

* * *

Now that I’m no longer updating daily, I’ve added a Notify List! Feel free to sign up, and fulfill your destiny as a prop for my ego.

* * *

Today’s best search phrase: “Crush crushed squish squished like bug bugs.” Somebody is either very confused or very, very angry.

posted by M. Giant 5:18 PM 0 comments


Post a Comment

Listed on BlogShares www.blogwise.com
buy my books!
professional representation
Follow me on Twitter
other stuff i