M. Giant's
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Sunday, September 14, 2003  

Happily Ever After

It was raining buckets. The flowers were late. Twelve years ago today, I was about to get married. And so I did.

Trash’s dad had hired a private security guard for the ceremony. It wasn’t the greatest neighborhood, so he wanted to make sure the gifts would be safe. Moments before Trash started down the aisle, the rent-a-cop took her hand and said, “you look beautiful, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.” This was the first and last time this man had spoken to her, and he was the last person to speak to her as a single woman. She walked down the aisle looking a bit confused.

At the end of the service, the deacon introduced us to the congregation as now both having Trash’s maiden name. We gave him a chance to try again.

Part of our reception in the church basement was lit by the emergency exit lights when the power went out for a few minutes. Part of it was lit by the small fire that started when someone got a napkin too close to a burning Sterno™ can. Most of it was lit normally by the overhead lights, so we really shouldn’t complain.

A lot of people hope, or want, or insist, or demand that their wedding days be perfect. Magical. Something out of a fairy tale. I suspect that those people are idiots.

Years later, what fun is it to rhapsodize about your centerpieces? To recall the idyllic scene? To go on and on about how perfect everything was? Speaking for myself, I treasure the special, romantic moments of that day. But I also appreciate the sitcom-like moments as well.

Life isn’t a magical fairy tale. Marriage isn’t perfect. You run into obstacles and problems and you deal with them. You support each other, help each other through stuff. You get through stuff together. You piss each other off every once in a while and you deal with that. That’s what I want. “Happily ever after” just sounds like a long nap. No thanks.

Go ahead and have your perfect wedding, if you can afford it. You’re just setting yourself up for a big comedown. Me, I wouldn’t trade that napkin fire for anything. Our wedding day was unpredictable, fun, exciting, and occasionally scary. We couldn’t ask for a better way to set the tone.

Now, twelve years later to the day, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck had planned to get married today. It’s perfect on so many levels. First of al, it’s ridiculous. Secondly, as I may have mentioned before, an online celebrity match quiz matched me with J. Lo and Trash with Ben about five years ago. People give those two a hard time, but if they’re as good a match as we are—and according to some random online quiz, they must be—their relationship is going to be long, but not boring.

Happy 12th Anniversary, Trash.

posted by M. Giant 8:12 AM 0 comments


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