M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Wednesday, August 20, 2003  

T Minus Two Business Days

I don’t know anyone who has ever moved out of an apartment and failed to leave it spotless. However, I don’t know anyone who has ever moved into an apartment that wasn’t dirty. The karmic math breaks down somewhere, and I can’t figure out why.

The only reason I’m thinking about this is because I’ve been busy cleaning out my desk at work. Attentive, longtime readers will recall that it’s not really a desk; it’s a podium. Ignorant neophyte readers will click on the link, and nobody will judge them for it.

So since I’m getting ready to vacate this edifice, which involves cleaning it out. One doesn’t realize how big this podium is until one starts to clean it. It’s nowhere near as bad as it would have been if I hadn’t ditched a ton of stuff last October, but I still had a lot of stuff to throw away. As I’ve learned, there’s a big difference between stuff nobody will ever ask me for again as long as I work here, and stuff nobody will ever ask me for again because I don’t work here. The second category is considerably larger, comprising the portion of my desk’s contents that I like to call “everything.”

Then there’s the personal stuff I’m taking home. I actually started taking stuff home last week so it would be easier to pack up this week. The radio and the blue glass head went home last Wednesday, and now it’ll be easy to carry what’s left. Toys, pens, pictures of Trash and Deneice, a company laptop, all of it fits into one copy paper box, except for a few coffee mugs. I’ll probably just drive it around in my car over the weekend and bring it into the new office on Monday.

Of course, I’m leaving the Zen Rock Garden here. It’s a gift to my coworkers, a little something for them to remember me by.

Also, it’s a tray of sand. If I try and transport that thing, I’m going to end up with just a tray. And an aneurysm.

The other big project has been cleaning out my network hard drive, deleting old files and organizing the ones that I’d saved in the wrong folders. It just seems kind of tacky to leave behind a bunch of random spreadsheets and documents that don’t apply to anything any more when even I don’t remember their original purpose. Aside from the ones that are pr0n in disguise, of course. Those get mailed directly to the CEO. Maybe now they’ll let me out of here a couple of days early.

The only thing that has me flummoxed is the army of dust bunnies on my desk. These aren’t ordinary dust bunnies. They’re like dust Monty Python and the Holy Grail bunnies. The podium is a breeding ground for them because not all of it is level. Much of it slants downward, from three inches below keyboard level all the way to the inner wall of the podium. That means there’s no way to just sweep the little woofies onto the floor, unless you herd them into the little holes designed for cords and cables. And these guys don’t herd easy, especially in the numbers we’re talking about. I tried brushing them along with my hand and they rose up in such profusion that I momentarily disappeared from view. The only way to get rid of them is to get a paper towel wet enough to scoop them up, or suck them out with a DustBuster™. I’m bringing one in tomorrow. Along with a crate of tiny little Holy Hand Grenades.

I only have two more days to get this space cleaned up, and I’ll have to do it in between continuing the brain drain that’s supposed to leave the managers in a position to cover for me. I really want to have the podium sparkling like new by Friday afternoon. That’s the only way it’s going to have time to get filthy again by Monday morning.

posted by M. Giant 2:54 PM 0 comments


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