M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Monday, March 17, 2003  

The Road to Credibility

Back in the days when my parents lived in the quaint northern exurb that P. J. O’Rourke once referred to as East Butthole, Minnesota, getting to their house involved traversing a half-mile or so of winding dirt road. As you know, an unpaved surface tends to rise up into a kind of washboard texture as traffic passes over it. You may know this, but years and years ago, before we were even married, Trash didn’t.

“What causes this?” she asked me in a shaky vibrato on one particularly tooth-loosening drive to the old homestead.

“Oh, you know,” I extemporized. “They have a machine that comes through and does it.”

“How come?” she asked.

“It’s to keep people from driving too fast on it. You see this curve here? If the road didn’t have all these tiny little speed bumps, people would go too fast. And dirt roads don’t give the traction that pavement does, so cars would be going into this ditch all the time.”

“I see,” Trash said. It made perfect sense to her, so she filed it away mentally.

Another day, my dad was driving away from the house on the same dirt road. He had to keep his speed down because the washboard phenomenon was particularly egregious on this particular occasion. Trash even commented on it.

“The machine must have come through pretty recently,” she mused over the noise of the rattling metal.

“What?” my dad said.

“The machine,” Trash repeated. “You know. The one that makes the bumps in the road.”

My dad’s expression began to change from confusion to amusement. Trash kept trying. She looked to me for help, but I was innocently watching the scenery pass by the other window.

“But he told me…but...I hate you!”

This was about a year and a half after I’d manufactured that canard in the first place, so in a way it was Trash’s fault for remembering what I’d said for so long. And, of course, for believing me.

So now that you know this little tale, what reason do you have for ever believing anything I ever tell you again?

posted by M. Giant 4:25 PM 0 comments


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