M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Wednesday, February 19, 2003  

Take it Off!

I now know that when you use the word “naked” in your weblog, in any context whatsoever, you’re going to end up with some prurient phrases in your referral logs. I’ve had people visit my site looking for pictures of Bitty Schram in the altogether, Paige Davis in her birthday suit, Nikki McKibbin stripping, and Marcia Brady wearing nothing but a smile and a livid handprint on her backside. Obviously, people looking for such images go away disappointed.

But the sad part is that they end up here in the first place. Posting pictures of celebrities in any state of dress isn’t exactly my thing. I hardly ever post pictures of anything, period, and since the cable on my digital camera broke, that probably isn’t going to change.


There was one search that showed up yesterday that’s giving me second thoughts.

“M. Giant Velcrometer Naked.”

Now, how am I going to not take that personally?

I’m both oddly flattered and mildly skeeved out. I’m sure Sars and Pamie and Uncle Bob are totally used to stuff like this by now, but it’s a new one on me. Of course, as surprised as I am that the search actually happened, I’m not surprised that it led them here. I mean, you do a search like that and where the hell else are you going to end up? The Onion?

But the most awkward thing is the position it puts me in. For one reason or another, I always feel some kind of obligation to give people what they come here looking for. I suffered guilt for months over people who came looking for videogame hints. Every would-be George Foreman Grill™ gourmet pierces my conscience like the flashlight-beam eyes of a starving child on a late-night infomercial. Because I can’t help those people. Those dozens and dozens of people.

But this one person? I can help.

So I enlisted my wife’s help (after considerable debate; seems she wasn’t so hot on the idea my posting a sample of my lubriciousness on the web), and I decided to fulfill the demand. I just hope y’all can be discreet and not spread this around too much.


Here goes.

Oh, first I should mention that this probably isn’t work-safe. So take that under advisement.

Sorry. I’m stalling. I’m a little nervous.

But I guess the only way to do it is to just do it. I’m dropping my digital robe…



You’re welcome.

posted by M. Giant 3:22 PM 0 comments


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