M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Friday, September 13, 2002  

Short entry today. Imagine that the place where you work is dependent on several high-tech systems. Many of you probably don’t have to imagine that, but you can probably imagine what it would be like if all of those systems lost their shit at about the same time.

I’m in a position where I’m thinking that would actually be kind of nice.

Instead, our office has been dealing for months with a situation that is like nothing so much as a glacier derailing. Ever since our upgrade, we’ve been operating somewhere between 40-50 per cent. It’s frustrating. It’s like trying to drive a car down the freeway, but all of the windows are blacked out instead of the back one and you have to go in reverse with your rearview mirror as your only source of input from your vehicle’s surroundings.

Then you try and get it fixed, but the mechanic either doesn’t care or doesn’t understand why it’s a problem, (or, more specifically, why it’s his problem) and before he does anything he makes you put together an executive summary about why you need all those other windows in the first place, and then he explains that he’s neither qualified, authorized, or, frankly, inclined to do anything about your problem because he’s too busy, but he’ll install a sunroof for you as a temporary workaround. And you could complain to the shop’s owner, but the owner seems to think that you’re doing just fine with that rearview mirror setup thing you’ve got going, and why don’t you appreciate that great sunroof? So what if it got installed on someone else’s car? As far as the owner’s concerned, the problem’s been addressed and it’s time for you to be on your way.

This has been going on for months, and my boss and I are running out of patience with the whole situation. We keep trying to convince people that the situation is untenable, but none of those people seem to have any control over the “shop owner.” It’s like we’re driving the back end of a fire engine, but we’re the only ones who know where the fire is.

Could I torture any more similes today? No, that question doesn’t count. That was a metaphor. Entirely different animal. And that was another metaphor.

Anyway, I’d rather offend literary devices than coworkers who could conceivably a) make things even worse, or ) get me in trouble, which would also make things even worse. So I’m sorry I can’t explain it a little more clearly. Maybe I’ll be able to in the future.

* * *

Speaking of stuff going completely haywire, what the hell is going on in Florida right now? It’s like the Dave Barry version of End Times down there. Bomb threats, election foul-ups, a CSI spinoff, and now this:

It’s a lot more than any state can be expected to deal with. And Janet Reno won’t concede? If I were there, I’d be like: “Fine, you guys figure it out. I’ll go and be the governor of Nebraska or something.”

Actually, maybe I’ll do that anyway. Trash and I both like corn, at least.

posted by M. Giant 3:33 PM 0 comments


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