M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Friday, August 23, 2002  

I’ve been dong this here weblog for a little while now, and I’m starting to feel guilty that the only information that many of you have about me is what you’ve been able to piece together out of the insignificant scraps of data I’ve dropped here and there. So, using one of those ubiquitous e-mail questionnaires as a framework, I’ve decided to make today’s entry a veritable clearinghouse of cold, hard facts about little old me.

By the way, if you feel a cold, hard fact slithering down inside the back of your shirt, don’t look at me. I’m way over here, see?

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT? I find that constant respiration, combined with regular metabolization and evacuation, is the most efficient way to continue living.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I’m not reading a book right now. I’m writing an entry for my weblog. Duh!

3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Mousepads say a lot about a person. Mine, for instance, say I care not at all about mousepads.

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? I used to tag my sister upside the head with a two-by-four. Wait, that’s not what you meant, is it?

5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Entertainment Weekly. The best part is trying to get it away from my wife.

6a. FAVORITE SMELLS? Oh, yeah? Well, your favorite smells! Thhphphptt!

6b. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? Depends on where I am. If I'm in bed, it's cat pee. If I'm on a plane, it's smoke. If I'm in the car, it's oranges because it means I'm about to have a psychotic episode and I hate when that happens on the road. If I'm at work, cat pee again because it means I'm wearing some. These are perfectly pleasant smells in their proper contexts. Except for the cat pee.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? "I am so busted!"

8. FAVORITE SOUND? “All charges have been dropped. You’re free to go.”

9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? "I can't belieeeeve I have to go through this every day." But the second thing is usually "Hey, naked hottie next to me!" so then it's all better.

Yes, I mean my wife! What did you think?

10. FAVORITE COLOR? Suddenly I'm being interviewed by Tiger Beat over here.

11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? On ring to rule them all, one ring—ow! Sorry. Depends on how long it takes me to find it. Damn cordless.

12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? I have no plans to be a future child, so I'm passing on this one.

13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Me. Start acting like it, people.

14. FAVORITE FOODS? Chocolate, chicken, Mexican, Chinese, or anything I've never made before that against all odds turned out really well. Preferably all at the same time.

15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate or who with the what now?

16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Okay, if you don’t know the answer to this already, you really haven’t been paying attention.

17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? I stopped doing that a long time ago. The stuffing kept clogging up my bottle of Astroglide.

18. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? In 1996 I fled three hundred miles inland before the power and fury of Hurricane Fran, and I thought even that was cool. Geo Storms, however, scare the bejeezus out of me.

19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? A 1985 Chevrolet Celebrity station wagon. $1250, and I drove it three years in twelve states. With three clutches. Not all at the same time, obviously. I don’t have that many feet.

20. IF YOU COULD TALK TO ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? See, the only person in Dead or Alive I can even remember is the lead singer, and I found him a little off-putting with all the hair and the makeup he was rocking back then. Maybe he’s settled down a bit so we can have a nice conversation about mutual funds or something.

21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? “El Dr. Dew”: equal parts Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, and Dewar's over ice. The best part? Your reaction just now.

22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Capricorn, same as Jesus Christ. Make of that what you will.

23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? I'll eat a brain stem before I eat any part of broccoli.

24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Either rock star or X-wing pilot. I’m not picky.

25. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? I regularly dye my hair its natural color. It's better that way, because I can go for weeks and my roots won't get all skanky.

26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Depends. Have I spilled it yet? Because I will. It's only a matter of time.

27. FAVORITE MOVIES: At 7, Star Wars. At 15, The Blues Brothers. At 19, Apocalypse Now. At 26, The Philadelphia Story. At 29, The Matrix. See a pattern? Me either.

28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? I find that when I put my fingers on the wrong keys, I tend to hit the wrong letters. That's messed up, yo.

29. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Monsters. Seriously, what the hell kind of question is that? You can just rock me to sleep tonight.

30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? Thirteen. I like to tempt fate.

31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? I hate watching sports, so I'd have to say curling. It's never on, so it works out fine.

Now you know more about me than I know about any of you. I feel so naked.

posted by M. Giant 3:22 PM 0 comments


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