M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Monday, June 17, 2002  

Today’s the thirtieth anniversary of the Watergate break-in. Blah blah unmaking of a president, bleh bloo public trust, Woodward and Bernstein yadda yadda, reshaping of American political culture and discourse blee blibbedy bloo. I’m not going to get into the ramifications. I was about four years old when the whole thing went down, and I only remember it because my parents said they wanted to watch the Watergate hearings on TV. This sticks with me because with three kids in the house, it was unusual for my parents to express a desire to watch anything. Most of what I know about Watergate is stuff I picked up from the director’s commentary track on the DVD of Dick. I’m sure you can find someplace on the net that has something to say about it, and I really don’t have anything to add.

Except this. On the way to work this morning, I heard a teaser on the radio that alluded to an upcoming story about the possible identity of Deep Throat. Deep Throat, as you know, was the government insider who was a vital source to Woodward and Bernstein, the Washington Post reporters who broke the story. They’ve kept Deep Throat’s real name a secret ever since, and Deep Throat himself has never come forward. For decades, people have thrown names out, and Woodward and Bernstein always sit back and say “No…no…no…” which seems like a bad idea to me because eventually someone’s going to come up with the right name and they’re going to have to say “Maaaaybe.”

Anyway, someone’s come up with a new theory as to who Deep Throat is. The theory? Pat Buchanan.

Now, this might just have legs. Buchanan’s still somewhat in the public eye, so that makes him a great candidate. People normally come up with names most people have never heard of, like some obscure FBI agent or White House staffer. That’s no fun for anybody. But with Buchanan, they’ve really hit it out of the park.

Now that I think about it, Buchanan’s persona is a perfect match for the Deep Throat profile. I mean, if you’re going to engage in a little covert whistle blowing against the President of the United States, you want to keep your head down afterwards. Spend a few years in an out-of-the-way place, like on the panel of The McLaughlin Group. Make a couple of runs at the Oval Office yourself, just to blend in. Try hijacking America’s biggest political third party, which will have pretty much the same results as the hijacking of the fourth plane on September 11; nobody will accuse the same guy of bringing down a president and a political party in the same lifetime. And by all means, keep your name off people’s minds by becoming a national lightning rod for attention and controversy.

As you might gather, I’m not buying it. It sounds like someone went down an alphabetical list of people who worked in the Nixon White House and latched on to the first name he or she recognized. I know the list was alphabetical because there’s no other reason for not picking Ben Stein.

Besides, we all know who the real Deep Throat is.

posted by M. Giant 3:37 PM 0 comments


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