M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Friday, May 17, 2002  

If you do a Google search on my Internet pseudonym, the very first link it lists will include a lie. In my defense, it was true when I wrote it. I’m just pretty sure it isn’t any more.

I think I’m becoming allergic to my cats.

I’ve been in denial about it for a few months. I think that’s because in my mind, “allergic to the pet” has always meant “pet has to go.” I blame The Brady Bunch for giving me this idea. Remember the one where Tiger almost got shitcanned because Marcia had the sniffles? Yeah, me too, obviously. Then it occurred to me that maybe all these commercials for allergy medications might have some relevance to me aside from how much I enjoy making fun of them.

Strat (short for Stratocaster) is an 11-year-old bruiser who looks like a marshmallow with whiskers. As soon as I get in bed at night, he likes to jump up on my chest and knead the blankets while purring energetically. My self-diagnosis arose from the fact that an increasing number of these sessions resulted in one or more of my eyes itching, then hurting (‘cause of all the scratching, you know), then sending signals to my brain claiming that cactus needles had invaded my eyesockets and my corneas would like very much to be going, if I didn’t mind. The accompanying sniffling and sneezing was another clue. I addressed the situation with an Orwellian capacity for denial. “I think I have something in my eye,” I would tell my wife as I dashed to the bathroom to keep my face from melting off the front of my skull.

I’ve always been kind of proud of not having allergies. Especially in a time where it seems like two out of three kids will go into anaphylactic shock if they so much as read “Peanuts” or walk into a wheat-colored room. I’ve kind of felt smug about it, like the fact that I wasn’t born with allergies made me some kind of smart shopper or something. When obviously I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

If, on the other hand, I get to keep my cats and quit having allergic reactions, I guess I’m a smart shopper after all.

I have an appointment with the doctor on Monday morning. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Do you think I should bring the cat?

posted by M. Giant 4:17 PM 0 comments


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