Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Thursday, April 18, 2002 As promised, today I have further excerpts from the upcoming episode of Trading Spaces featuring the Osbournes*. To see the beginning, as well as some language that will hopefully keep me out of legal trouble, scroll down to Wednesday, April 17. Enjoy. [BEGINNING OF EXCERPT] INT. OZZY’S HOUSE PAIGE (Voice-over): Hildi’s team already has the new base coat on the walls, and they’re making progress on the next phase. HILDI (flinging bat blood at the wall): Don’t worry too much about getting it really even. We’re going for a little imperfection here. NEIGHBOR (spitting out a fresh bat head): That shouldn’t be hard. The Osbournes’ security guard MICHAEL wanders in. He takes in the three blood-drenched strangers ankle deep in bat corpses and reacts with alarm. MICHAEL: What’s going on in here? HILDI: Oh, it’s okay. It’s for TV. Michael notices one of the cameras and waves amiably at the home audience. MICHAEL: All right, then. I’ll leave you to it. Exit Michael. INT. THE NEIGHBORS’ HOUSE PAIGE (Voice-Over): Frank has put Ozzy and the kids to work on removing the wallpaper. But where are the kids? Alone in the room, Ozzy slowly goes over the wall with a paper scorer. OZZY: [unintelligible][bleep][unintelligible]. Ozzy stops and looks at the wall. OZZY: Take all [bleep]ing day, this will. [unintelligible]. Ozzy picks up a hammer and crowbar and starts whacking away at the wall. After a moment, a section of it comes clean off. OZZY: Bleeding [bleep]-all! Ohhhh, God. [unintelligible]. Ozzy stares at the exposed wall studs, gobsmacked. OZZY: SHAROOOON! EXT. THE DRIVEWAY PAIGE (Voice-over) Looks like Kelly has plans of her own. Kelly, having ditched her peach Trading Spaces shirt at some point, gets into a car and starts it up. Sharon catches up to her at the driver’s side window. SHARON: Where the [bleep] do you think you’re going? KELLY: Uhh, wotsisname, the Father Christmas-looking guy. Said we need more nails. SHARON: Frank sent you to get nails? KELLY: Yes! God! I’m just going to the [bleep]ing nail store! Sharon opens the car door and ushers Kelly out. SHARON: No you’re [bleep]ing not. Where’s your shirt? KELLY: I hate the shirt. Ugly [bleep]ing colour. SHARON: Your hair was that “ugly [bleep]ing colour” last week. KELLY: Why do you think I [bleep]ing changed it? Kelly flips Sharon the bird as she follows her mom back to the house. EXT. THE STREET PAIGE (Voice-over): Meanwhile, Ty’s about to get a little unexpected help. Jack is leaning against the carpentry truck, smoking. Carpenter/handyman TY PENNINGTON, carrying some shelves, emerges from the truck and spots him standing there. TY: Hey, buddy. Better not let the principal catch you smoking out here behind the cafeteria. Jack doesn’t answer, preferring to hold his smoke in. Ty registers this. TY: Especially if you’re smoking that. Jack finally exhales and holds the joint out to Ty. JACK: Wanna hit? Ty puts down the shelves and looks at Jack severely. TY: Dude, have you ever watched this show? Ty takes the offered joint and inhales deeply. [END OF EXCERPT] More again tomorrow, provided TLC's lawyers don't shut me down. * Again, not really. posted by M. Giant 1:16 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:
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