M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Wednesday, July 03, 2002  

It’s not uncommon for bloggers and website operators to get a few laughs out of the Google search terms whereby some surfers come across their sites. In fact, it borders on de rigeur. Generally, I’m not one for doing things just because other people do them.

On the other hand, I’m stuck for ideas today.

1. As I mentioned last week, my Watergate entry yielded a surprising amount of traffic from people doing searches on both “Deep Throat Pat Buchanan” and “Deep Throat Ben Stein.” I’m now convinced that this was a mere accident of timing, as those parameters now turn up over a thousand results each. I just had the dumb luck to stumble on the story reasonably early, and now everyone’s talking about it. I feel like I’m in a stadium, and there’s a Wave going, and although I didn’t start it, I was a few rows away from the person who did. I'm just glad nobody seems to have taken my contribution seriously, as I wouldn't have had time this month to be a talking head on a cable news channel anyway. But the traffic was fun while it lasted. I just hope I can resist the temptation to pimp for more visits from political conspiracy theorists by brazenly dropping in phrases like “WorldCom anthrax airline wildfire Britney Islamic Freemasons.”

Whoops, look what I did there.

2. Lucasarts’s Star Wars: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast is still a new enough PC game that the net isn’t overflowing with walkthru files. Or maybe it is, and my site just comes up for people who don’t know that “walkthru” is one word to the people who write them. I’m certainly not trolling for such surfers, since I used the word “thru” in an entirely separate entry. Either way, one hopes that they’ll chuckle knowingly at some of my comments about the game, which will hopefully make up for the people who saw what that day’s post was about and skipped it entirely. Now that I think about it, that might be a good niche for me: doing to PC games what Television Without Pity does to TV shows. On the other hand, it takes me about two months to finish a game and I do, after all, have a day job.

3. It doesn’t scare me that this page comes up when people do searches on home improvement topics. The fact that some people actually click on it, however, turns my blood to freon. I can only hope that such readers understand that I’m not trying to pass myself off as some kind of expert just because the search phrase “renting a floor sander” or “clogged downspout” led them to me. The last thing I need is to be the Internet’s version of Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor. Maybe I should put up a disclaimer saying I am not a home improvement expert. Or maybe I should just go back to the entries in question and sprinkle them liberally with the word “duh.”

Or perhaps that would be redundant.

4. Here’s my favorite: “Marcia Brady spanked.”

I have nothing to add.

* * *

Except this: have a good July 4th, everyone. That does include readers outside the United States, because it’s not like the rest of the world goes into suspended animation during what happens to be America’s Independence Day. Although that would be kind of cool for American expatriates; can you imagine how much less traffic there would be? You guys should suggest that. Even though it’s a little late for any Yanks in New Zealand, since your July 4th will be half over by the time I post this. Think about it for next year, though. It’s not like the rest of the world wouldn’t appreciate an excuse to take a long nap. Plus the cryogenic capsules would provide a nice break from the summer heat in the Northern Hemisphere. Speaking of which, have you ever noticed the number of countries that celebrate their Independence Days in the summer? Do you think that’s because people are more likely to revolt against oppressive governments when it’s hot and muggy outside? Personally, I can barely take out the garbage in this kind of weather, let alone run through a soldier with a bayonet. But maybe that’s just me. Or Independence Days might tend to be in the summer because our forefathers figured that future generations wouldn’t be able to get into celebrating their freedom if they had to do it huddled around a fireplace. Or a stove, as the case may be, because just because they could foresee a future where their nation’s people would have the chance to determine their own destiny doesn’t necessarily mean that they could foresee central heating.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Happy 4th, and have a good weekend.

posted by M. Giant 3:40 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment


Listed on BlogShares www.blogwise.com
ads!
buy my books!
professional representation
Follow me on Twitter
donate!
ads
Pictures
notify
links
loot
mobile
other stuff i
wrote
about
archives